Tag Archives: fear

FINDING MY WAY BACK

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‘So, have you submitted any of your work to magazines or had anything published?’

The question was innocent.  A genuine enquiry from someone who had read some of my work, had heard about some of my experiences and had offered some praise.  But instead of answering truthfully, a multitude of excuses sprang immediately to my lips.  ‘Oh no, I don’t have the time!’ being the main offending excuse.  No time?  How do you not have time for something you are passionate about?  Funnily enough it’s a question I’ve been asking myself and  I think I’ve found the answer.  It’s been staring me right in the face for some time now and it has a name.  Fear.

Fear of failure.  Fear of someone mocking what I’ve worked hard on.  Fear of success.  Just plain old, run of the mill, fear.

I had stopped writing.  The last thing I wrote was a couple of months ago and that was only because I had said it out loud… to a lot of people.  My old friend fear raised its head and said, ‘You’ve done it now!  Better get to writing!’  Which I did, diligently for exactly 30 days at the end of which I packed the piece up neatly and filed it away to look at again sometime in the future.

I was recently gifted a diary for writers.  I began reading it only to stop at a page containing these words.

‘There is no excuse.  You either write, therefore you are a writer, or you don’t and you are an imposter, or a dreamer, in which case hand over your fountain pen, your pained expression and please leave the building.’

The diary has been open at that page for a couple of weeks now, daring me to face my old foe fear.  Am I a writer or am I an imposter?

In the words of the late, great Maya Angelou, ‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.’

Today I will turn that page of my diary, today I will pull out the random pieces of paper containing the ideas written in the middle of the night, today I will revisit my travel adventures, today I will face fear, today I will be a writer!